TOL (Thinking Out Loud)

*I found a new mole on my thigh. At first I thought it was a spot from my eyeliner but then a couple of days later it was still there and wouldn't rub off. Should I be alarmed?

*Every morning around 10:30 I have myself a Starbucks iced coffee with three pumps of white mocha, sweetened for for fifty cents. (Gotta love that hospital discount!) But yesterday I was too busy and didn't have one. Why is it that night I could not sleep for the life of me?? Reverse effect, I guess.

*Do you have a task that you just hate doing, but it has to be done? Try saying it out loud with enthusiasm. This definitely makes it more enjoyable. For example, I hate counting drugs. So right before I have to do it, I'll say out loud, "DRUG COOOOOOOUNT!" Then I'll just start laughing, which pretty much carries throughout the entire task. Trust me, it works!

*I tried this new scent I have and the whole day I could smell something good on me. I was like wow, I love this smell! At the end of the day I realized it was just my shampoo since I had put my hair up in a pony tail while it was still wet.

Thank you, for reminding me of all the reasons "why." Seriously, thank you.

To the future

It's been exactly six years since I've been completely single. How crazy is that? Two relationships later, I think I've figured myself out. Yes, I am insecure. But I've also realized that in both cases I was SELFLESS while they were SELFISH. I always forgave, I always accepted, I always let them have the best of me. So yes, I am insecure. Because of this, I hardly find the difference between being the heartbroken and the heartbreaker. Either way it hurts. And, it will hurt again when the other person moves on. Will I ever be ok? Of course, I know it for a fact. It's just a process, like the flu, I gotta wait it out. Hurt, then anger, then peace.


In the meantime, people have always told me that I'm so strong and brave to have gotten through the things I've been through. My reply was always, "Strong? Then why am I crying?" It took me a while to realize that being strong isn't the inability to show emotion. I am only human. Being strong is the ability to make decisions for yourself...to be SELFISH for once instead of SELFLESS. I refuse to let another man take advantage of my heart. Lie to me one time, I dare you.

I am 25. I am single. I am "ok," but one day I will be great...

"We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future. As if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow. But the future is somehow always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes. But one thing is certain; when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it." - Grey's Anatomy

I heart madel <3

Good Day

Sun, skirt, and senses :)

Finally feel back to myself again!

every time i THINK i'm "ok", i realize i'm not. im not gonna lie about it.

i would never wish a break up on anyone, even if i hated their guts. that's how horrible it is.

My heart isn't broken. It's just...empty.

How do you fix an empty heart?